Had a dream just now that Macklemore was named TIME magazine’s Most Muggable Musician and he showed up at an interview to accept the award and they mugged him
What’s the point of mugging someone who only has $20 in their pocket
$20 can get you many peanuts
Money can be exchanged for goods and services
My anaconda will consider it
My anaconda has, upon review of the information presented with it’s partners, decided that it, in fact, does not. My anaconda apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause and thanks you for your time.
some girls get so offended by boobs i don’t understand like do u close your eyes when you shower
Author John Scalzi was on a roll this morning (currently 7:14 AM, 26 Sept. 2014) with a tweet he found from some guy sending out an “ultimatum” to women to “make a choice” between feminism and, well, men like him. So Scalzi launched into a truly magnificent set of scorchers, which I’m posting here for the delectation of people everywhere.
Also: I would like to thank that guy for setting the ultimatum. It makes finding a boyfriend so much easier when the undesirable ones wear a placard identifying themselves.
There is no problem that sass cannot solve
I’d fold them end-over-end to bring you closer to me.
Because I don’t sleep at all
without you pressed up against me.
I’ll settle for long distance calls
‘cause I’m lost in empty pillow-talk again.